wtorek, 28 sierpnia 2012

dirty water dying.

I received possibility to make the most beautiful suicide ever. 
death of eating too much chocolate in one moment. in the moment of not taking insulin. falling asleep dying beacuse of being the sweetest girl in the world.

and one of the most mysterious songs ever. the most mysterious people ever. the most mysterious voice.

after being Bob Dylan, I reborn as Robert Plant.

thinking, dreaming, listening. 
after that I've fallen in love, I found that I am Robert Plant. just as few months ago, I became Bob Dylan!

yesterday, I saw you standing by a river.

amazing thing, can you imagine that YOU are so connected to your body, and to things you are eating? having too much glucose in me, I fell depressed, old, with no perspectives, willing to die, seeing no sens, having too big expectations for myself, feeling like I haven't done anything worth, in whole of my life.
having glucose as every ordinary person, I mean a good glucose, I can see brightness of living, ideas for creating, happiness of being myself, of living, of looking at the sky. everything seem to be so calm. and a world loves me. and I feel I love it, too. 

I am asking what is called "a feeling". is this maths, science, human body you can measure every way you like? am I happy of having feelings, that I am creating as imitation? do I want to live in life, that I am controlling my feelings, by controlling my body? God, it's so hard. I cry every day, beacuse of a shadow of my past life. 
it's the hardest thing, to learn to live new life. when you born with illness, a lack of sth it's simple, beacuse you r life is "normal" in that way you live in. but it's hard when you need to be you, with no life before. that's what I feel, my friend, the boy next door.

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