look at the green grass. my weight is very low, I'm 43kg. last days, for the first time I very felt rain. my bones felt it. raining rain hurted my bones. every single drop hurted my skin.
I impress everything just like that rain. again and again I can't not cope. everything is so entangled. and I am totally feeling like I am closed, just like in a bell jar. I am thinking about everyone, but I can't feel someone is thinking about me.
I am feeeling so closed in that world, that I can't understand.
I need to move on. go somewhere and never come back. there is a year, that I need to be still here. as I am always saying, my world is full of miracles, maybe there will happen an opportunity, not to be here, whatever it means. get a place to be happy somewhere in another world than Poland.
I don't know what is going on with my body, and I am so close to go to doctor even I don't believe in conventional medicine. I hope my health looks that way because of a place I was living in. a cellar. just a cellar full of a kind of funghi and species of ugly mushrooms. I'd love to let go that place.